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August 9th: Life in Stop Motion

9 August 2013

I was driving home from work when I realized how fast the world is turning. I was going 50 in a 45 but all the cars around me were passing me in a blur of color and it hit me.

This morning, after a few weeks of inner-conflict, I scrapped my 9 chapters a day Bible reading plan. I was almost two months behind because when I got pregnant I slept when I would otherwise read my Bible. But I thought I could still catch up. So when I miscarried I was still determined to do it. Three times by New Year. But reading Job didn’t fill me up. It didn’t make sense of my present circumstance. I just wanted to read the Gospels again. But I couldn’t go back on my word.

So I avoided reading the Bible. I didn’t want to read Job or Exodus. They weren’t speaking to my need. I longed to see Jesus’ words and miracles again. But I felt so guilty. I felt deeply obligated to make myself busy in the Word. But as my life has seemed to the past three weeks, I felt the need to

Stop.

And.

Be.

Still.

Slowly. Because when you lose someone precious to you, sometimes it feels like you have stopped but everyone around you has kept going. And fitting 45 plus minutes of legalistically reading the Word into my otherwise slowed-to-accommodate-my-heart life just made things too hectic.

I stopped at a red light and cars in the lanes on either side rushed through the red light, hoping to get past before the cross traffic began. Why does everyone go so fast all the time? It never seemed so hurried before.

David told me that earlier. Slow down and go deeper. Breathe it in. The good, the bad, and everything in between. It is all allowed by God and I can choose how to respond. I can choose to slow down and find the joy in every moment.

***

I wrote this a week and a half ago. But I wanted to post it – perhaps it will speak to someone. Perhaps it will just speak to me.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. 19 August 2013 11:07

    Very wise words, Danike. it’s been over a year since our loss and there are still days when we feel like the “world is spinning madly on”. Take your time, healing will come. God well meet you where you’re at.

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