metamorphosis
Sometimes I wish I were some sort of butterfly turning caterpillar rather than this awkward, gangly female entity that I am. I understand that butterflies and caterpillars get eaten by birds and other various creatures more frequently than humans do. However, they have a one-time fix all: from an ugly, disgusting caterpillar to a beautiful, radiant butterfly remedy – if they make it that long.
I see who God has called me to be, his purpose for me, my call. However, there is a chasm between who I am and who that is. A very large chasm. In fact, it seems very unrealistic.
But, if I were a butterfly on the other hand, I could just make myself some chrysalis and pop in there for a bit. Call it a sabbatical or a vacation, if you’d prefer, but I need something.
I’d say, there is only so much that I can do to make it to who God wants me to be but apparently that is false. I supposedly have much more control than I think I do. …. which makes this all very circular. And I am tired of circles. So, all I have to say is that I am just about tired of trying to prove myself. Either I am good enough or I am not.
You don’t have to ever prove yourself.
Nobody is enough (for life, for ministry). Only with the Holy Spirit is thriving possible… It actually may be true that you can do only so much to make positive change in yourself. But His ability for that is limitless. Working hard to cooperate with His work is, I think, a good place to focus.
And by the way, you aren’t gangly. You’re willowy. Big difference.
Indeed – there is a huge difference between willowy and gangly. I know that I am the former not the latter. I am not sure why I said gangly… probably because of the awkward aspect.